As usual she looks like she is going for a relaxing hotel stay...although I kept her informed that she will have an open heart surgery "Mama nak Nabila sihat...tak biru-biru, Nabila kena kuat, doktor belah kat sini...sakit sikit je...Nabila nak sihat kan" means mama wants you to be healthy and strong, the doctor will do it here by showing exactly where the scare will be, just a slight pain, you want to be healthy aren't you she will then repeat "sakit sikit je" means very slight pain, each time she says that I will hug her, trying my level best and hold back my tears....I kept on repeating the lines everyday....and keep saying it will be alright....
Good about IJN or maybe thats the normal way to have an induction program for every heart patient that will go for surgery...what do and don't before and after each operation...
In this pictures she was browsing the IJN pamphlet....she acted as though she can read that's her she will show her interest in reading and viewing.....
Look at her I believe if she is normal, she will be an intelligent girl,but she is in her own intelligency, never she will make herself wasting time....you can see books, drawing and coloring block will always with her....
This picture was taken on the 25th March 2009,the nurses pushed nabila to the CC theater, the day that a cardiac cath was done...Cardiac catheterization (heart cath) is the insertion of a catheter into a chamber or vessel of the heart. This is done for both investigational and interventional purposes. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cardiac_catheterization.
Alhamdulillah everything when well, after the CC I was called and the MO told me that they might do the operation on Thursday, 26th March 2009 instead Friday, 27th March 2009....and Nabila was asked to start fasting from midnight onwards, well I felt a little confused and scared....in my tahajud that night I told allah "oh allah I whisper in my heart "give the best and bless her, you have given me the chance for almost 13 years to look, love and care for her....and now I am returning it to you allah...you know what best for her...as a care taker and guardian to her I "redha"....I was crying my heart out...my positive thinking says that I need to be strong and I have gone this far...this is the choice that I have choose, in spite of many objection and ideas...for me no turning back...no regret....thanks to allah for the moment....At about 2pm on Thursday, the MO came and told me they cannot proceed because there's a delay from the first case....kinda relieved as I am a bit scared, my thinking does not telly with my intuition when they said that they wanted to do on Thursday, I am more comfortable if they want it to be done on Friday...that the strong feeling I had at that time....
27th March 2009, it was a Friday....a day of a "penghulu hari" a day start for a muslim week...as early as 6am I have woke her up...its a third day I have to gave her an antiseptic bath...when I reaches her chest I will remind her "doktor akan buat kat sini...nabilah tak perlu risau sakit sikit je...doktor bagi ubat..." means "the doctor will do it here and don't be afraid, its a slight pain and they will gave you medication" I cannot hide my sorrow I broke down and quickly hug her and usually she did not cry but that morning she cried, she cried and the words that came out from her was "mama maaf" means "forgive me mama"....how could I hold back my tears....I have been hiding it all this while but that morning it was the most difficult moment for a person by the name of "mama" to handle...nine months I conceived her and nearly thirteen years she is always by her side...make a choice to leave the job I love...its always a choice for a mother to do.....
Another test when she refused to cooperate to be transferred to the stretcher when the staff are ready to push her to the OT, she told me "Benci Mama" I hate you was a traumatized moment in my life, after kisses her, I adjourned myself without any of my immediate family notice, I cried at the staircase....she would not understand and I know that's her expression to say why you make me suffers, I could be wrong but alhamdulillah I know that's not what she wants to said or may be not but at least I managed to tell how I love here, no mother would ever want to make her children suffers....for me its a test that I really valued every moment in bringing her up.
A moment that I will never forget...after eight hours in the operation theater...exactly at about 5pm, I was told that the operation was successful done and she was transferred to the Intensive Care Unit....what a relieved and my "syukur, alhamdulillah" to Allah, I was with Mak Su my husband's auntie from Pulau Pinang at the ICU waiting lobby...My husband has to sent two of my eldest daughter back to UIA Gombak,that means I'm alone without my husband and other children...suddenly the ICU head of security called "Keluarga untuk Nabila Abdul Raes sila masuk ke ICU, pakar sedang menunggu" - the family of Nabila please come in the surgeon is waiting...
At that time suddenly I can't hardly stand, I felt shortness of breath...luckily Mak Su told me to be more calm...think of Allah...well I remembered how I walked very slow just to regained my strength...
When I saw her, I do not know what to do, whether I should cry...but I managed to make myself calm and yet I can sense that my mind and soul are in the air.... Mr Ahmad Khadri that assisted Mr KK Pau was there, he started to explained about what they had done to Nabila's heart...honest I can't even focused to what he said...
Four and a half days she was in the ICU, with many doa from us and others, with the supports from my immediate family, siblings, in laws and friends and not forgetting Ms Evelyn Ch'ng and her brother-in-law, Dato Yee who actually have sacrifices her time to come just to do healing for her. For me besides having my faith to Allah, I will never gave up hope to find other alternatives for Nabila for the benefits of her well being.
To see her open her eyes and to see one by one of those massive gadgets on her been removed, I am more relief....Thanks to Allah....Syukur.
What I gather from here, all the test that Allah showers us, is to make us a very strong person and value things that we have in front of us....Nabila herself is a fighter...She herself have her own strong will power...well its not easy for me thou to balance up myself with her moods, she have all sorts of deals and temper that really at times make me get confused what to do, here I will like to conveyed my sincere thanks to all her siblings who take turns to look after here during her stays in IJN.
My "sujud syukur" to Allah,as I believed every test or joy that Allah showers me, is an indication that Allah actually is so near to us and from this test makes us the family more closer to each other.....
NABILA you are always our precious pearl.....
